By Irwin (the most magnificent GPS in the world)
Irwin here. I’d just like to set the record straight. Don’t believe everything they say about me. I can hear them talking and laughing at me. They get me out of that dark box in the stuffy bag whenever they need something from me. I plan the route (rather quickly if I do say so myself), and then tell them where to turn. Sometimes they won’t even listen when we first leave that woman’s driveway. They say they want the fastest route, but when I tell them, they ignore me and go the way they want to. Then I have to recalculate, and when I announce that I’m recalculating, the grumbling begins.
My view isn’t very good either, which is why I never know what the stopping, veering off track, and turning around are all about. Sometimes we drive far enough past something that I have an idea what they were looking at, but sometimes I don’t know what they’re doing. How was I supposed to know that they saw a gorgeous barn just down the road in the wrong direction? When I could finally see it out the back window as we drove away, it was pretty cool.
They pick on me about my ability to find farm addresses too. I know when we get to where the land starts, and that’s when I tell them we have arrived. Just because they can’t see the driveway isn’t my fault! Let them try to find some farms without me. Maybe then they would appreciate me more.
Last weekend, though, they did give me one compliment. That one who is always looking at maps, like she knows more than me, said that I had done a very good job finding the addresses this time. Like I had not done so well before! But I’ll take any compliment I can get from them. They sure don’t give me compliments often.
And they turn around for things I can’t understand. Why are we stopping for a rusty old truck in a field? Someone should explain to me what we’re looking for. Maybe I could help. The one driving while we’re on the backroads is always turning around. Sometimes we drive back for miles to look at something. And then sometimes we just turn around again without doing anything. What is that all about?
And the one that is always looking at the maps needs to pay attention more. If she would just pay attention to the road and let me handle the maps, she wouldn’t have to ask if we could go back so often because she “might” have seen something. Ok, so sometimes she does, but sometimes we turn around for nothing. But they don’t like it when I tell them to turn around. I tell them to drive until they can safely make a U-turn, and they turn around right in the middle of the road!
I have to admit, I do like traveling with them though. It’s not all interstates where all I can do is announce which exit to take and which lane to be in. I have to do a little of that with them, but mostly we go on some fun roads -- roads most of my friends will never see in their entire lives.
I guess maybe I can put up with their oddities. They think they’re putting up with mine.
What is it they always say at the end? Oh yes, Happy Shunpiking!